I Can't Multitask While Walking

So I am bad at multitasking while walking. Mostly because walking is something I find rather challenging. I am simply not a talented walker. I often fall down dramatically and painfully for absolutely no reason. I think I've fractured bones at least four times. I was too lazy to ever get this x-rayed and confirmed, however, so this is simply a hypothesis.

It's not just clumsiness though. I get easily distracted when walking and tend to do stupid things. Like the other day I was walking down the stairs and someone else started walking downstairs too, but a floor above me. I glanced upwards (curiosity did not kill the cat, but it certainly shanked it in the back), and then fell down half a flight of stairs.

I walked cheerfully across the quad on a sunny day recently. I was chewing gum simultaneously. I tripped on grass and ended up with grass stains all over my white dress.

I tried talking to my friend Andrew while at his dining hall once. It happened to be St. Patrick's Day. I slipped on water (let's blame this on water ok?!) and basically shattered my knee caps when I came crashing to the ground.

Anyways, this is all a lead up to this conversation I had walking near Government Center in downtown Boston:

Andrew: These shoes cost $300.

Me: No fucking way! That is ridiculous! I've never spent more than $100 on shoes! WHY WOULD YOU SPEND $300 ON SHOES?!?!??!

Andrew: They're really nice men's shoes!

Me: YOU ARE CLINICALLY INSANE.

Andrew: They're gonna last me 10-15 years! Plus then I'll resole them and have them for another 10 years...

Me: 10 years!? Bah! That is nothing. YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED.

Andrew: I think of the two of us, you are the crazy one.

Me: I bought this pair of boots in 6th grade for $20 and I still have them. That is significantly less than your 10 year $300 shoes!

Andrew: Yeah, but you don't wear them all the time.

Me: SO?!?! I bought them in 6th grade... how many years ago was that/

Andrew: ...

Me: I'm in like, what 14th? 15th? grade?

Andrew: and?

Me: That's like what 12 years? No... 10, No, wait. 7 years. 7 years! That is almost 10! And they were only $20. YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED.

Man in Fancy Suit Walking Behind Us:  *hysterical laughter*

Me: No! It's 8 years! That is even better! How could you possibly spend $300 on shoes?!

Man in Fancy Suit Walking Behind Us: *hysterical laughter*

Andrew: *nicer laughter*

Me: SHUT UP! I can't multitask while walking. Math is hard.

Man in Fancy Suit Walking Behind Us: *hysterical laughter* I'm sorry, sorry! *hysterical laughter* *walks past us*

Me: wow...

Andrew: You know you're an idiot when complete strangers on the street make fun of you.

Me: Well, at least I didn't spend $300 on shoes...



This then led to a debate about the number of times men v. women wear a certain pair of shoes. I won. Of course.




xx