Every now and then I find it difficult to deal with humanity.
Usually this occurs when I have gotten less than 9 hours of sleep. Which, actually, is always. Less than 7 hours, though, and my tolerance for anything remotely bad disappears faster than alcohol from a frat party.
So the other morning I woke up at my usual ungodly hour for practice. When that was over I had a yoga class, which I take because it's conveniently in the same room.
On this particular morning I was in a grouchy mood for no particular reason. After practice was over I got out my mat and lay down. I immediately closed my eyes hoping to fall asleep for the ten minutes before everyone else in the class arrived.
I always try this. It never actually works, but I dream big.
Eventually the instructor calls the class together and asks everyone to sit. This message always seems to be announced right when I actually slip into deep sleep.
On this morning, everything seemed as usual until I opened my eyes a few minutes into sitting.
Someone sat in front of me. Uncomfortably close to me. I put my mat down
way before anyone else in the class even arrived. WHY WAS THIS GIRL SO CLOSE TO ME?
I was already too tall for my mat. In several poses I end up with half my body on the floor and half on the mat. With this chick in front of me I would not be able to take the class. I would have to move myself and this mat.
SHE WAS FORCING ME TO MOVE WHEN I WAS THERE FIRST.
I began to feel the irrational anger building up inside of me.
I HATED HER.
I WAS GOING TO EAT HER!
Then I sprang to my feet and grabbed her with my velociraptor claws and bit off her head with my velociraptor jaws.
Only my lack of ability to turn into a velociraptor prevented this from occurring.
In reality I just sulked and moved my mat a minute later.
I was still angry though.
I considering following her and attacking at a later point.
But instead I bought a day old muffin for a dollar. Miraculously, I felt much better and less violent after that!
Food inevitably calms my inner velociraptor.
