So, I am massively in debt. Already. At a ripe young age.
You see, I felt like getting a head start on all you old farts.
Also I went to a redonkulously expensive private university on the east coast. Ooops.
Anyways, as I see it there are only a few options for me to pay off all my loans:
1. Become a stripper. I am not really sure how much strippers make, but I hope its more than babysitting. There is only one problem with this that I can see. I have no ability to dance without looking like I am wrestling a bear underwater while wearing princess themed floaties.
2. Win the lottery. This is unlikely to happen as I don't really understand the lottery. There are different kinds I think? Perhaps? Maybe?
3. Donate my eggs to people who desperately want to be pregnant. I don't really get why these people don't just adopt. I for one would gladly skip out on the whole pregnancy part of getting a baby. My mother is a labor & delivery nurse and the stories she brings home are R rated for gore and crudeness. Also I hear you poop. So... I'll pass thank you very much. BUT if you want to pay me for some eggs, sure why not. Its not like the world population is unsustainable or anything...
4. Blog. Good luck to me on that one. I'm 87.46239900002329352359999999299% sure I am the only one who finds me funny.
5. Win fencing tournaments that give out money as prizes. I think there are maybe 20 of these a year with about $100.00 prizes. That's $2,000.00 I could make. BUT I would have to win and my lack of coordination gets in the way of that when I fall flat on my face/ass during a bout.
6. Write a #1 song. I'd probably have to learn cords, or notes, or whatever those things are that you play to make music. hmmmm,,,,
7. Raise chickens and sell their eggs. I would need a backyard to do this. I don't have one. And probably some chickens to get started. Or does the egg come first?
8. Mug people. I need to get a gun. Perhaps that weird guy who lives near the T and shouts odd things at me when I walk by has one. I should go ask. Maybe tomorrow night. I am free around 9. People will just loan you guns for an hour or two right? He'll be friendlier if I knock on his door and ask to borrow a gun right?
9. Beg on the streets every afternoon. This might work if it weren't so fucking cold here. I could probably do it in Berkeley. Why does Boston have to ruin ev-er-y-thing with its inability to be habitable in the winter?!
10. I can't even think of a 10th option.
It looks highly unlikely that I will ever pay off these loans. I will probably die sad and alone, frozen to death on the Charles River bank, desperate for some California sun. Any suggestions on how to avoid this?
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