And Then the Dreaded Doom Sets In....

So when it's time for me to take my pill and vitamins at night and I see this:

I begin to panic. IT'S COMING. The world is going to end! My freedom will be gone, my hopes and dreams destroyed.

Weird things begin to happen to me.

I'll be checking things out at the grocery store and everything will be normal.

I'll be waiting patiently for the absurdly slow high school aged checker to finish scanning my single microwaveable meal. And then:

I'll feel a twinge...

And then the twinge will turn into pain.

I try not to make any noise. No one will notice if I use face contortions as an outlet for the immense ache coming from my abdomen. I'll be totally fine in a minute. I got this. No big deal.

That's when it gets worse.

This is usually when the 17 year old checker notices something is off. He usually assumes I'm about to puke on his floor, which sends him into a panic.

However, I am just doubled over in pain. This never lasts more than a few seconds, just long enough for him to get a few words of protest out.

A moment passes and the knives ripping at my uterine lining cease their vicious slicing. I stand up and pretend everything is fine.

I usually try to pass off my episode as something else. Like being super interested in the pattern on the floor tiles:

They usually at least pretend to believe this and I pretend to be a floor tile salesman. This creates a conversation about selling floor tiles. I make up names for floor materials: sushatapp, donahwalome, greysagoochoise, etc. As soon as this subject is exhausted I run from the store.


My pain for the moment is over, but then I remember: IT'S COMING.